I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
