He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
