sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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