if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
