How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
