I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
