Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
