yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's official drugs can't kill me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
