Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize