I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
