Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
