burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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