The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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