I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
