how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
