Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
