I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
