If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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