i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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