PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
