i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
