Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
