I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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