i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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