did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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