Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
