can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
