If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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