I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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