It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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