I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this boner is exhausting
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
