You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
