Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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