He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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