It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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