Can Purell be used as lube?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
