So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
