Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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