im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
