I wish my penis had an off switch
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
