Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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