I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize