she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
