I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
