I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
