not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
