I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
