Yo dont text me then not text me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
