...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
