Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
