I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
