I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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