Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
