and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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