I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
