The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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