Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
