I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you win again, gameday.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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