You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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