Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So. Much. Porn.
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