Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
