Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
