She is in my trunk
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
