I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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