New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
