bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone came in the potted fern
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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