Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Its about making memories worth repressing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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